Thursday, April 22, 2010


I told Jazzie that she could get my hair cut in a new style but I backed out at the last minute - she and I have very different tastes. She decided to go ahead with it anyway. So now my hair -which used to be long (to bottom of my shoulder blades) - is now really short, my half fringe is now a full fringe and its just really different. To give her credit she did get it cut in a way that suits me, both my look and personality. I just cant get used to it. Its so different!

I guess I just feel overwhelmed with my alts lately, there are so many ones who I had no idea about who have come to light (Sasha, Torry, Jazzie, Elsie, Shadow). And then there is the older 8yo who is out of control. Someone inside (or multiple inside) have been buying things with out permission. Rules are just generally being broken. Then there was last night - which wasnt any of their fault but I just hate feeling like I have to no control.

I feel like I am drowning with DID, and uni and obligations to friends, bible study and family. But I dont know how to stop. How to break down and just let someone else deal with the crap. I want to cry, I want to let it out but I dont know how and the tears just wont come.

All I seem to be able to do is keep getting up and doing the things that need doing. Constantly feeling more tired and like I am not doing the best I can - which I am not because I am not at my best. I am just so damn tired.


Telstaar said...

Oooh my dear Kit,

I'm so sorry that all this is going on. I am feeling a bit outta control at the moment too... but keeping them all in check...BUT its almost with me being a tyrant instead of compassionate which I think is worse long term :(. BUT... my point is, I'm sooo sorrowful that you're feeling this way. I wish there was an easy way to deal you know?

I was thinking, perhaps you should print or copy and paste this post and give it to your T. I think that she needs to know how you're feeling and whats going on and you've worded it quite well here.

I know that you've got uni and lots of obligations, but i was also wondering whether a stay in Hospital might be useful? Just so that you don't have to be stressing about things, other people can take responsiblity for a little bit?? It might not work, but its just an idea.

Thinking of you


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