Love Can Happen

Why do people get married?

That is what Natalie & the 4 year old asked Elmo, my fiancee. They are afraid of the change marriage might bring. They have been asking many similar questions too. They want to know who Elmo is marrying - is he marrying me or are they part of it?

A Beautiful Picture of Elmo & I by kaer-morhen*

Their relationship with Elmo is complex - he recognises them as part of me but also see that they are each uniquely themselves. He told me once that one of the first things he learnt about DID from dating me was that each part isn't just 2 dimensional. While each part might have their reason - their part in our system - they each have their unique personalities - traits, likes & dislikes - some of which are separate to my own. All that said, Elmo still sees that they are part of who I am and that makes him love them for who they are.

When he talked to my littles about marriage - he told them it would change nothing at home, that it would be to show the world his love and commitment. He said that while he is marrying me - he is making a commitment to all of us to be there. Together they decided that I would be Elmo's wife - but they would be part of his family.

I am very lucky with how supportive Elmo is in our relationship, however it is hard and we both have to work at our relationship. Every relationship has their struggles and with me bring so much baggage into our relationship that puts all the more pressure on us. The thing that keeps us together is that we communicate - we talk through everything - even the things that dont have answers, we talk about it until we both feel better and know we are there for each other.

Today Elmo and I put a deposit on our wedding rings - we have booked the venues and are starting to interview celebrants and photographers. We are getting married in 10 months and I am so happy - there is still a lot of stress and I still have bad times (Ive been a bit triggered lately but more on that in another post) but I am also able to laugh and I feel loved and know its going to be okay.

2 years ago when I started this blog, I didnt think I could be happy like this - being in a healthy relationship and getting married seem to be an impossible goal for someone with DID. Who would want to take that all on? However it happened - because I am someone worth loving and I found someone who sees that and loves me and whom I love.

I write all this to let others who feel like I did 2 years ago who feel that a relationship is out of reach. It can happen, with the right person and with a lot of effort on both parts - but it is worth it - 110%.

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* The picture above is one I commissioned from a great friend (and my Maid of Honour) for Elmo's and my 1 year anniversary. You can check out her other works at Deviant Art

A portrait of Us by Natalie

Natalie decided that she wanted to try out the new pastels and this is the result.

When asked about it she said "that's us". This confused me and I tried to get her to explain but found her explanation completely confusing. However with some help from Elsie and Julia I was able to understand a little better.

As I have mentioned before Natalie is an Empath - at least where the other little ones are concerned. She often feels their emotions - is overwhelmed by them at times. In this picture it's the different emotions of each part. How we often clash and other times agree - how we blend together in body. But each of us is distinct and different - though some parts tend to blend into the background more than others.

I like the idea, though I think some of the colours are too bright and cheerful to describe us. But I am told the actual colours are not important - its the way they come together. Still not sure if I completely agree but it is an interesting idea.

Littles Art

Art therapy is an important part of the healing process with DID, it allows parts to express and explore how they feel as well as being a calming exercise during hard times.

Since this has been a particualarly hard week, I have encouraged my alts to do some art. The little ones recently saw a documentary on mosaic art and have been fasinated with it especially after the 12yo said "its just like us, lots of little pieces put together to make a beautiful whole picture." So I gave them lots of different coloured paper and some glue and left them to it. A few of them have agreed to share their art with you.
 

 

Natalie (4yo)

Kylie (6yo)

 

Elsie (age unknown)

I apologise for the quality of the photos, I need a new camera but I doubt I will be getting one anytime soon. I hope you enjoyed their art.

Natalie

Last night I had a bad night.

Some drunk idiots walked past my house swearing and shouting and scared Natalie. Natalie is another of my young alts, she is 4 year old and a timid shy little thing. She is scared of all loud noises - she calls it all "banging". Lightning, movies with guns or bombs, hammering, a sudden noise - anything loud or unexpected. Shouting however is the worst.

She cam out really upset and curled up with Ulfie - the little ones stuff toy dog. By the time she let me out it was 2:30am (2 hours had past) but she was still scared and so I couldnt go to sleep - they wouldnt let me. So I logged onto Pandys.

Pandys is short for Pandora's Aquarium, a website for survivors of sexual abuse. It has forums where people can post and a chat room. Its a great place for people who need support from others who understand. Its not run by doctors or psychologists and doesnt replace seeing one but It some where that people can find advice written by others who have been through similar experiences.

Last night I went into the chat room and talked to a few other people. It was a safe place where I could be myself and help me and my alts calm down so that we could sleep.

Natalie is finally feeling better now though she is still a bit nervous and jumpy. So we are going to have a quiet day and I am going to try get ontop of my study. And maybe we will have a special treat - like pancakes! ANd maybe a nap because we are still really tired