What would you wish for?

I have been really exhausted the last couple of days so I haven't been posting. I have been really emotional too - going from feeling fine - almost happy - to wanting to burst into tears for no apparent reason. Not sure if its cause I am so tired, if something is upsetting one of my alts (though I am told not), or if its something else.

So instead of the usual post I am going to share with you a song I really enjoy.


Today's song is "Airplane" by B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams

& to quote the lyrics:
"If you had one wish, what would you wish for?"

It be nice if you answered in the comments section though there is no pressure to do so. My answer:

Peace
what ever I would need to bring peace into my life.

A day out

I am going out today. I am going to meet a friend and spend the day with them catching up - I haven't seen him in over a year. He lives over 4 hours away, which since I don't drive makes life a little hard. We are going to meet half way and spend the day quietly on a picnic rug at a park.

I know this outing is going to wear me out and exhausted me - I will probably spend the next couple of days in bed to recover. (I will try to post anyway - yay for laptops that allow us to access the net from bed!) I need to do this for me - I have been so lonely lately, and felt that I haven't even been living. This will at least be something in that I can feel I am living life even a little bit.

I am really excited to see Ian! He is such a great friend, it will be awesome to catch up - and even better to get a much needed hug. I can be at ease with Ian, he knows about the DID and has even spent time with some of my alts. It doesn't bother him and he always willing to take time out to talk to any of us.

Aaron is also been kind enough to offer to drive us which makes life easier - the idea of the bus & then train to get there was very daunting while I am so tired. It will be great to have those few hours each way in the car to catch up & just chat. 

I need to go, but I wanted to get this posted as I will be too tired to get it done when I get home. So I am going to leave you with a song I love.

My taste in music is very varied - and I feel music is a huge part of my healing journey. I listen and sing along to music to help express myself, to help me get into a different mind set. To ease my little ones when we are having a bad day. It is such an important part of who I am, and my everyday life which is why I wish to share it with you on occasions.

Today's song is  "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz

I love this song, just the feeling of it -its a good song to sum out how I feel about going out today (not the lyrics, just the feel of the song). I particularly love the lyrics:

Well open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and damn you're free

Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

Listen to the music at the moment people dance and sing

We're just one big family

And it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved

Broken

Broken

Seether & Amy Lee

Seether:
i wanted you to know
that i love the way you laugh
i wanna hold you high
steal your pain
...away.
I keep your photograph
and i know it serves me well
i wanna hold you high
and steal your pain

Chorus 1:
cuz i'm broken
when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel right,
when you're gone away

Bridge:
you've gone away
you don't feel me
anymore

Amy:
the worst is over now,
and we can breathe again
i want to hold you high
and steal your pain
There's so much left to learn
and no one left to fight
i want to hold you high
and steal your pain

Chorus 2:
cuz i'm broken
when i'm open
and i don't feel like
i'm strong enough
Cuz i'm broken
when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel right
when you're gone away

(chorus 2 x2)
(chorus 1)

Bible Studies and music

The girls bible study went really well - it challenged me and that is totally awsome. It made me want to spend more time considering what I am reading - I want to try and learn more, with that in mind I have made a second blog which I am going to record what I am learning what is challenging me and my questions etc. You can check it out here if you are interested. I decided to do it as a blog because whenever I have tried to keep a journal I have failed but I have done better with this blog so I am hoping the same will be for my Christian blog.

Tonight I went to the normal bible study (both boys and girls) we started on 1 Cornithians which is interesting but something in it must have triggered me because I switched. I only recently came to myself and I have no idea how I got home or what happened at the end of that bible study which is making me nervous. Not everyone at the bible study knows I have DID and it could have been ackward. I will call Sarah tomorrow, who knows about DID and who goes to my bible study - she usually drives me there and home so she should know what happens and if I need to go on damage control

I am not listening to music to calm me down. 3 songs in particular:

Missy Higgins; "Scar" - this one I have been obessed with for the past 2 weeks. Its an amazing song with really meaningful lyrics and I suggest it to anyone.
The other two are both by Lady Antebellum - who I only recently came across by accident. the group is good I really think they are talented and are good at what they do
"Need You Now" - this song I have been listening to all day. Not sure why but I get like that particularly if something is bothering me
"I Run to You" - I love this music video, you need to watch it carefully but it is beautiful in a simplistic way. Very powerful and I good song too. You can check it on YouTube here.