Update - a Good Day

Had a good day today. Went to town with a friend (Cat), we went to Annies a shop that makes its own ice cream. It is so good! I had to fight the little ones not to come out - they love Annies, but the friend I was with doesnt know about them and would have been rather shocked if suddenly I acted like a 4yo!

We went shopping then she dropped me home. We are going to organise a girls night for the 29th April, which should be fun - just 4 of us so nothing to big.

I still dont really understand why I lost a week however I am not so paniced about it now. I am still stressed about uni and have decided to take the next two weeks off WoW (World of Warcraft) to try and focus more. But I am struggling to get more than an hour a day done. I am just so tired all the time and cant focus.

I have a doctors appointment for the 27th April and I am really hoping to get some answers. I actually want there to be something wrong - I know that sounds a bit strange but if they cant find anything they cant do anything about it. I am hoping that my doctor can diagnose me and treat me. That is what I have told my friends to pray for.

On a more postive note my house is looking more and more like a home and less like a storage facility filled with boxes! It feels safe and comfortable and my alts seem very comfortable here too. Everyone I have invited in has commented on how welcoming and nice the place is. I only moved in on Christmas eve (2009) and while I guess thats a while what with everything else it has taken time to get organised. I am still not there yet but as I said its getting there.

My bible study group has organised to do an extra bible study night - where the girls go to one place and the boys another. This is really awesome for me because I have found that I havent been going to bible study on a Wednesday night because I cant handle the group of people - its just too large for me at the moment (its about 15 people) and upsets Natalie. Plus the 6,7 & little 8 yo dont like some of the men who attend.

The girls bible study starts on Tuesday night. It was going to be at Sarah's house but she gets the keys to her new house on Monday and so both houses will be in disarray. So I offered to have it here (after consulting my alts) at least for this coming week. If it goes well I am going to talk to Sarah about it staying at my house. I have trouble going out at night and if its here it will be harder for me to get out of it. My alts feel safer here and are ok with the girls coming over (Just no boys! - from 7 & little 8 yo). We are going to be studying Displines of a Godly Woman but Barabra Hughes - you can check it out here.

I had a really interesting chat with Cat today about having trouble living as a Christian in the real world. We both have a lot of friends who arent Christians and while they know we are they dont really want to be pressured about religion which is fine with us. But we both recognise that we act differently around them to our Christian friends. Not that we act un-christian, more that we cant be open with our Christian friends because we are worried about being judged by them. Which is crazy because Christians are supposed to be loving and unjudgemental and yet I find I have to justify myself more with my Christian friends than anyone else.

I also question parts of Christianity, in the core I am a Christian - I believe Jesus lived and died and rose again to save me and everyone from their sins. However I struggle with the idea of homosexuality being sinful. I have friends who are gay, one of who is married to her partner (another girl). How is wanting to love and commit to one person wrong just because they are the same sex to you? It is questions like this that make me wonder if Christianity is truely real. How can a religion that promotes love everyone and do not judge be one of the most judgemental places of all? But then maybe that is what people have made Christianity and not what god intended. I dont know.