Disappointment & anti-depressants

So I am back from the doctors - and guess what the blood tests came back with

... (pause for dramatic effect) ... 

NOTHING! 

So what does my doctor say? Well at first she said that she thought it might be earlier symtoms of my depression coming back. Which I argue with her about. I explained to her exactly how this exhaustion was different from when I was depressed last time and how I have never felt exhausted like this before. There have been days when I couldnt hang out my washing or do my hair because I couldnt lift my arms above my head!!!  I am very disinclined to believe this is simply due to depression coming back. I admit that there is a possibility of it being depression but I dont want my doctor to think "oh well, the blood tests were clear, she has been depressed before that must be it." - That is a good way to miss things and I told her this.

  I did admit that lately - particularly the last month or so that my mood had been very down but then what are you to expect when you dont have the energy to do the most simple tasks?

After hearing my out she thought it was likely to be Chronic Fatigue Syndrom. She has put me on an anti-depressant (Luvox), which she says can also help with Chronic Fatigue.It will also help if depression is the cause. I suppose its good to cover all bases, however we are not happy to be going back to drugs.

In the past we went on a series of different anti-depressants and we seriously didnt like it, they caused alots of problems for all of us and generally speaking we just dont like using drugs. My reactions to different anti-depressants were: Feeling fuzzy in our mind (this was the worst because it made everyone feel fuzzy and its not a nice feeling). Others included, a sense of discontectedness, nausea, hyper tension (like a a bow string tied to tight), further depression (it made it worse) I faguely remember going on one that seemed to make me dissociate more because I hardly remember anything of the time I was on it just remember once I was taken off it for about a week feeling like I had woken up from a long dream and wondering where 2 months had gone. As you can see my experience with anti-depressants isnt great, however I have been on Luvox before and it didnt bother us to much. I did help us with anxiety at night and helped us get a bit more sleep so maybe it will help with whatever is wrong.

She also has refered me to a specialist - a physician who specialises in cardo/respitory. Supposedly he will be able to do more tests and check more posibilities of it being a physical problem. This also has caused some upset in the system. The doctor is male and some of the little ones dont handle males very well. he is likely to poke and prod us and being touched by a guy - even for medical reasons has everyone up in arms. We like cuddles and hugs from guys we trust but we need time to build up that trust and its unlikely to happen (trust building I mean) in a doctors office. I have an appointment with him next Wednesday - our need to know what wrong and do something about it outweighs our fear of the male doctor (which shows how desperate we all are to be better) so we will go and hopefully when I see Margaret tomorrow she will have some advice for handling this new doctor. I am also going to ask pandies for help - see if others have some advice in handing it.

Right now I am just feeling so disappointed and I am ready to curl up in bed and forget the world. But I have an assessment due in 11 days (which I have no hope in finishing with the way I feel). I also have friends coming over for dinner and movies tonight which I just want to cancel but we have been organising this for months and it would take just as long to reschedule it. So now I have to good cook a gluten free curry for dinner, make sure the house is presentable and probably have a nap before they come. I also should attempt to work on my assessment but I doubt I will. I am just too tired to think right now.