Monday, July 18, 2011

Glimpses of Co-Consciousness

A chalk pastel picture one of the littles did

Until recently, whenever one of my parts came out, or was in control, I would go into my 'room' within the house in our head. During that time I would not be conscious, of either what was happening inside or in the real world. However this is slowly beginning to change, I am starting to be aware of what is happening outside (in the real world) while I am switched. It has only happened a few times and I was only able to perceive  bits of what happened during that time. I still do have bad times when I hide away completely and littles take over, like last night - I lost about 5 hours to the 6 & 7 year olds.  However that is happening less and these glimpses of co-consciousness give me a lot of hope.

When I compare this to when I first found out about my parts it amazes me how far I have come. Back then, I was unable to communicate with them, there were no rules in place and they were able to do pretty much whatever they wanted. I had no idea what happened during those times and would usually be gone for hours, sometimes even days at a time.

Healing is such a difficult and scary process, and its hard to see how any of it helps. I honestly am still not sure how it does help but obviously something is helping if we are making this progress. What I really want to say to anyone out there who is working at healing: keep at it, it is definitely worth it. That isn't saying I feel that this means I am healed, or even close, I am still working through some very difficult memories and there still is stuff I haven't remembered yet. I also don't feel that just because I have come as far as I have that I am suddenly an authority on healing. I just hope that my experiences help other people feel less alone.


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