Monday, July 25, 2011

Expressive Arts Carnival: Group Word Cloud

This months expressive arts activity I found very different but interesting. The activity is divided into two parts:

Part 1: Think of someone you look up to, real or imaginary, who has taught you something you can use (or do use) in your healing. Describe either the characteristics of the person, what they told you, or how you have been helped. Use expressive writing by telling a story, writing a poem, or anything that makes sense to you. If you have a blog, you can feel free to publish this writing on your blog. But you will not submit this writing as your entry.

Part 2: For your entry, select three words from your writing that have particular meaning to you and also one color (or HEX color code) that you would like to associate with these words.

For the first part I wrote a poem which I would like to share with you, I'm not very happy with it structurally but I think it gets across what I was thinking.

The most frightening thing is to be alone
To look around and simply see emptiness
Knowing you are out there,
that you can understand
the emotions pouring out of me
To know I am not the first to walk this path
Though I wish to be the last
These are things that bring comfort

Everyone finds their own path
But paths cross and a helping hand is given
Each bring their own wisdom,
Advice and knowledge
of how to climb this huge mountain

Who better to understand,
Than those who have been there?
Who better to guide this journey,
Than those who have walked it themselves?

When I first sat down to this activity I spent a lot of time thinking who has helped me, there has been Margaret (my psychologist), numerous books (both on the subject and just in my general reading), Carl Jung (a famous Swiss psychiatrist). However for me, where I have learnt the most which has helped me on my healing journey is other survivors. Through their blogs, through forums and people I have met. They share their story and their techniques and for me that has been the largest help. That is what my poem is about.

This project really made me consider all those who have helped me and continue to do so, all the people I am so grateful for. I think it can be really easy to get stuck into how hard things are and focus on the hurt, and this can mean you overlook the people around you and you forget to show your gratitude.

For part two I had a hard time choosing the words to share, but these are the ones that stood out to me:

Alone    Understand    Wisdom


Sandy said...

The poem is fantastic and your three words are powerful. It reminds me of a past a present and a future representation of who you are/working on becoming.

CrYs said...

I write discreetly at times, but my others reach higher than I. So please read my blog when you have a second, and trust me i understand a minute from a second of time to get from one thing to another. I have been living with my alters since I could talk or since my trauma first began..i truly don't know which came first...., I just never knew it was a "disorder". I honestly at times hate being me, because there are hours, days, months..sometimes years I have no recollection of. I have lost out on soo much, including my children growing, I only know my life through pictures. And I hardly ever truly see MY face in the caption. I am looking and have been for people who in some way or another understand me, and have no judgment. I also belong to a facebook group that has soo many just like me/us, they are just far more progressed in being open than I/WE are. I have over 10 alters but 5 have been with me longer while the others have foreshadowed my life until recently. II have been a guinea pig to soooo many medications, I've been admitted into the hospital over 5 times in my lifetime, I've been through many different types of counselors, until just last year when I found the best one yet. She says that my/our transition will get worse before it gets...smoother....huh! and there will probably never be "just me"... but as I progress in my counseling, the deeper she digs..the more in tune she and I become with the "foreshadows" and instead of being "floaters" they are actual beings of parts of my life. I fear the amount of people that exist within me, because it is just too much of a harsh reality on how much I really did miss out and it hurts. I have also become more and more of a hermit in my own home. I not only suffer D.I.D./MPD, but PTSD and severe anxiety that easily turns into a seizure and I become stiff and helpless. I'm embarrassed to not be able to control my body at all times, I hate the looks I get or the over active help that makes me feel stupid, helpless, or the "sorry" look on my friends faces. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, or treat me like a weak animal, it makes me feel horrid inside. So I don't go anywhere or invite people over as much. cause if it's not my alters its my anxiety that goes off at random times for no reason. And I don't want people to see me like that, or to feel obligated to "save" me. I am just wanting/looking for others like me, so i don't feel soo alone all the time.

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