tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7491563853601591277.post4692914441168078927..comments2023-07-25T18:00:32.481+10:00Comments on Multiplicity: Expressive Arts Carnival: Group Word CloudMultipleMehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00292993284991878239noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7491563853601591277.post-2077635678065262342011-10-02T06:26:46.201+11:002011-10-02T06:26:46.201+11:00I write discreetly at times, but my others reach h...I write discreetly at times, but my others reach higher than I. So please read my blog when you have a second, and trust me i understand a minute from a second of time to get from one thing to another. I have been living with my alters since I could talk or since my trauma first began..i truly don't know which came first...., I just never knew it was a "disorder". I honestly at times hate being me, because there are hours, days, months..sometimes years I have no recollection of. I have lost out on soo much, including my children growing, I only know my life through pictures. And I hardly ever truly see MY face in the caption. I am looking and have been for people who in some way or another understand me, and have no judgment. I also belong to a facebook group that has soo many just like me/us, they are just far more progressed in being open than I/WE are. I have over 10 alters but 5 have been with me longer while the others have foreshadowed my life until recently. II have been a guinea pig to soooo many medications, I've been admitted into the hospital over 5 times in my lifetime, I've been through many different types of counselors, until just last year when I found the best one yet. She says that my/our transition will get worse before it gets...smoother....huh! and there will probably never be "just me"... but as I progress in my counseling, the deeper she digs..the more in tune she and I become with the "foreshadows" and instead of being "floaters" they are actual beings of parts of my life. I fear the amount of people that exist within me, because it is just too much of a harsh reality on how much I really did miss out and it hurts. I have also become more and more of a hermit in my own home. I not only suffer D.I.D./MPD, but PTSD and severe anxiety that easily turns into a seizure and I become stiff and helpless. I'm embarrassed to not be able to control my body at all times, I hate the looks I get or the over active help that makes me feel stupid, helpless, or the "sorry" look on my friends faces. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, or treat me like a weak animal, it makes me feel horrid inside. So I don't go anywhere or invite people over as much. cause if it's not my alters its my anxiety that goes off at random times for no reason. And I don't want people to see me like that, or to feel obligated to "save" me. I am just wanting/looking for others like me, so i don't feel soo alone all the time.CrYshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10901302785511397985noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7491563853601591277.post-33822370952529174272011-07-25T22:44:06.136+10:002011-07-25T22:44:06.136+10:00The poem is fantastic and your three words are pow...The poem is fantastic and your three words are powerful. It reminds me of a past a present and a future representation of who you are/working on becoming.Sandyhttp://sanativescribe.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com