Saturday, November 27, 2010

Roles My Alts Play

I was updating the "Meet My Alts" page and was thinking about the roles they play in our system. I have never sat down and put them into categories and thought it be interesting to try and do so. I know they will overlap so you may see certain names in multiple categories.

The Littles
This is what I call all my alts who are children
  • Kylie (4yo)
  • Natalie (4yo)
  • Katy (5yo)
  • Torry (5yo)
  • Kylie (6yo)
  • Julia (7yo)
  • Kylie (7yo)
  • The Twins (8yo)
  • Sasha
The Teens
My alts who are neither children, nor are they adults, they don't tend to need "looking after" that the littles need however they aren't part of the Bigs either.
  • Sage (12yo)
  • Kylie (12yo)
  • Nadia (16yo)
  • Shadow (unknown)
  • Jessica (25yo)

The Bigs
These are all my alts who are adults, who have responsibilities inside and help out more. When large decisions are to be made the Bigs and I generally have a meeting about it to discuss it and come to a decision that is best for the system (or at least that is what we try and do).
  • Stacy (33yo)
  • Jazzie (19yo)
  • Elsie (ageless)
  • Kylie (10yo)

Memory Holders
These are alts that hold the memories of abuse, while some of the others may be aware of what happened or know certain memories these particular parts carry the majority of memories
  • Kylie (6yo)
  • Kylie (7yo)
  • The Twins
  • Kylie (12yo)

Emotion Keepers 
While each of my alts experience different emotions - these parts seem to hold a certain emotion particularly in regards to the abuse.
  • Natalie - fear
  • Kylie (6yo) - sadness
  • Kylie (little 8yo) - guilt
  • Kylie (big 8yo) - anger
Note: Elsie is telling me that Shadow belongs in this group too though I am not sure what emotions he really keeps.

These parts act as protectors of our system, through different methods - not all of their methods are really helpful however they are "skills" that were needed at one point or another.
  • Torry - Ever seen a child put their hands on their hips and say something like "you're being a meanie" or "don't upset my friend/mummy"? This is how Torry behaves.
  • Kylie (7yo) - protects us by keeping our secrets and making sure the others keep secrets. This is one of those situations where it causes more problems than actual protection but she is trying to protect us.
  • Kylie (little 8yo) - passiveness, her very nature is a form of protection - if she senses danger she will try and make the perpetrator happy by doing what she thinks they want so as to lessen the amount we are hurt.
  • Jessica - She thinks that if she hits on guys and has sex with them then she can remain in control and they cant hurt us by forcing us. She also tries to make sex meaningless (and therefore the abuse meaningless) by trivializing it. Another one of those situations that causes more problems - but she means well, even f we disagree with her.
  • Sasha - is a more animalistic form of protection - the natural "fight or flight" responses. If anyone feels threatened or if Sasha perceives a threat she is automatically on high alert.
  • Kylie (12yo) - her disdain of men keeps them at a distance and so are less likely to hurt us emotionally. Her lack of care when it comes to other peoples opinions also helps protect from hurtful words. The 12yo has faded into the background more as we have grown to trust people more and let them in -however she is there, cautioning us to take care in who we trust and let in. If I ever get in an argument with someone she comes close, putting up walls to protect us from hurtful words.
Note: Kylie (older 8yo) is very protective of her twin (the little 8yo), however she isn't particularly protective of our system.

These are parts who help our system function now in every day life. 
  • Stacy - keeps things organised - ensures the chores are done (clean clothes, cooks food etc.), keeps track of appointments and important dates, makes sure rules are followed by other alts and has a little more control inside than the others (with the exception of the 10yo).
  •  Kylie (10yo) - the mother of our system - she is a source of comfort, love for the littles. She keeps track of who is out and tries to be aware of who we interact with. She also helps Stacy with discipline inside.
  • Jazzie - interacts with the world when I cannot (in situations where I am around people who aren't aware of the DID). Helps the 10yo with cuddles and comfort of the littles.
  • Elsie - helps us deal with triggers and flashbacks, helps keep us try and stay calm when it isn't safe for us to flip out. She also is a good listener for the other alts when they need to talk to someone.
  • Julia - she is a friend and playmate of the littles. When the littles are out she often shares consciousness with them - helping them with things like reading, using the computer, typing, putting on movies, finding appropriate TV shows etc. If the "bigs" want to have a meeting then Julia will be the one to take the little to the play room or the garden and distract them.
  • Sasha - helps ensure our basic needs are met (food, water, sleep, warmth, shelter). For instance - when we are having a bad day I don't always notice if our body is hungry - Sasha will ensure that on days like that we eat. Sasha also helps by often sleeping with Natalie to help her feel safe (Nata enjoys cuddling Sasha's fox tail)

Other Roles
These are more individual things that apply to a particular alt rather than a group.

Inner Child - Kylie (4yo) and Katy
Both of these parts are the child in me, unaffected by the abuse.

Artistic - Nadia
Expresses ideas and feelings through art and writing

Student - Sage
Loves to learn and always happy to find an answer if the littles have a question. While I wasn't really aware of Sage while I was studying I think she is part of the reason I have yet to give up on university.

Empath - Natalie
Natalie can sense how the others are feeling - its like an extra sense to her - she can reach out and feel where each of the other alts are inside and how each of them are feeling, if someone is triggered then Nata generally gets overwhelmed with their feelings of fear & hurt. It is an ability she cannot control.

Elsie helped me write this, she is very good at keeping track of who is who within our system and really understands who they are, even those who put up a "bravado". I have found working on this very helpful to understand my system more - I haven't always understood why I have so many parts and the roles they play.

If you want to know more about my alts as "individuals" check out our "Meet my Alts" page. You may also be interested in our post which provides a "map" of inside, though it is a little out of date missing rooms of alts I wasn't aware of at the time - however it will give you a good understanding our "house".


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