Progress

Last week I wrote a post entitled "Change"; it really ran off topic and to places I didn't really expect - I hadn't even realised that was where my mind was at. It was a good reminder to myself of how far I have come. There are days when I feel that I am not getting anywhere and that I am at a stand still.

This is particularly true since I have been struggling with Chronic Fatigue. It is so hard to be focused on healing when I don't have the energy for simple tasks - like cooking my own dinner. Yet thinking back on this year I realised that I have started to accept my parts so much more than any point in my life. I fight them less and have come to rely on certain parts - I don't know how I would have got through the last few months with out Stacy to help me. I have grown to love them - even the difficult ones. I see this a huge progress - especially when I think back to 2007 when I started therapy - I wouldn't tell my psychologist about my parts and didn't want to acknowledge their existence in any way. I still struggle to see them as part of me - when people say this to me I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from arguing. They feel like separate individuals to me. But one step at a time.

I think a huge lesson I have learnt since I have had Chronic Fatigue, is that I need to take the time to care of my body and my mind. If I don't then it will fall apart and wont be able to carry me through this life. I often want to put other people, things, work, uni etc. before myself - particularly when it comes to my physical health. However if I don't stop to take care of myself it will effect my ability to do those things in the future - even more so if I don't take care of myself in the now. While this is a lesson I have learnt more in the light of physical health, I realise the truth of it in relation to mental health too.

It is hard to see progress when you look at your own healing journey, particularly in the short term. But as time rolls by and you look back at where you were, you do see how far you have come. I read a few different blogs of survivors, all who are at different places with their healing - some I look at and wonder how I will ever get to the place they are at. Some are just starting their healing journey and may even look at my blog and think where I am at is out of reach. But each path is different and we shouldn't try to compare; as hard as that is at time. However what I want to get at was that we will all get there eventually, if we keep working at it. Even in those times when we feel we are at a stand still we are still making baby steps - steps that may be so small that we don't see the progress now but when we look back later we will see that we have moved forward.