Monday, May 17, 2010

Really not doing good

I am feeling so crappy today. I have a cold on top of everything else.

I am struggling to accept that I am going to need help if I dont get better soon. I am too tired to cook so I am eating frozen dinners which is expensive and not the healthiest way to eat. I am struggling to keep on top of washing - both clothes and dishes. General chores around the house just isnt happening. Charlie, my beautiful dog, is filthy and scratching but there is no way I can lift him into the bath and wash him myself. He hasnt had a proper walk in ages - I feel really bad.

Sarah C came over for bible reading which was the highlight of my day - she is really good to talk to and we have great talks about the bible and living in this world as a Christian. I told her about what I was struggling with and that I might need help and I was struggling that. I also told her that I didnt know where to go for that help. She has offered to look into what is available around here as far as help.

Mum & I are also talking about her paying for a house cleaner once a fortnight till I am better.

I feel bad that I need help. I am supposed to be a young healthy person. And being on a disbility pension already for the DID I should have all these things under control. I mean I only study one subject a semester - a normal load is 4 subjects. And now I cant even do a little of one subject. I struggle to wash my hair. Its so frustrating.
I just want to cry just now. And I cant and because of that I just want to cut because thats the only thing that has helped me in the past. I know I shouldnt start again and I am really trying to fight it but I feel so bad - I cant even play wow for distraction.


Sunshine and Shadows said...

You may need to call your doctor again and let him/her know how much you are struggling. I really hope your energy level picks up.

Post a Comment