Monday, March 21, 2011

Expressive Arts Carnival March

This month's Expressive Arts Carnival activity is an interesting: it is to create a memoir in 6 words and present it in an image. When I first heard about it I was really excited and while I thought it be hard, I definitely thought it be a fun one.

Unfortunately this month has been a busy one which has left me rather tired a lot of the time with very little time to have put towards an entry. However I was looking at it yesterday and realised its due in a couple of days and thought I'd see what I could come up with. I actually came up with a few and was able to put a few of them together in Polyvore.

It was interesting, once I got started, more kept coming to me. I found that they reflected different aspects of my life currently and overall.

This is one of the first ones I did - it is a reflection of the way my every day life is. Obviously its commenting on living with DID. Once upon a time I would have probably put "difficult life" or something more negative. However I no longer view DID as a negative thing, just simply a part of my life and a way to survive what happened in the past. However it does complicate life, for example with my boyfriend - he is dating 'me' not all of my parts. He does a relationship with each of them but its different.

I actually created this in Polyvore a while ago, though originally it said "caged by the memories... imprisoned by the fear". I simply edited it to fit the 6 word limit and I actually think it flows better now. At the time of creating this I was having a lot of flashbacks and nightmares and I was not handling being around people.

Since my little outburst of anger just over a week ago, I have found myself having some new memories and nightmares and I find myself frustrated with how much the past influences me now - particularly since I had no control or choice in what happened. I find it completely unfair and that makes me angry. It is hard for me to deal with and feel this is reflected in this too.

Recently I have been spending a lot of time with a particular group of friends. As I have mentioned previously, they are a great bunch of people and has really been uplifting to spend the time with them. I feel stronger and have more belief in my self that I can cope with whatever is thrown my way - both in healing and every day life.

I feel this one is a little 'sappy' and cliché but it is amazing how much friendship makes a difference and I wanted to acknowledge that in some way.

No matter what mood I am in, I always like to have music playing. I have rather eclectic taste and find that my mood often influences the choice of song. When I am having a particularly hard time I will often play music quite loudly or at least in a headset so it seems loud.  It is my way of coping with difficult times. This seemed particularly appropriate since I have been dealing with new emotions, anger in particular.

While this a very simple thing, it is something I am very proud of. It feels good to say it: the past will not define me. I think this came to me partly out of the anger I mentioned earlier, the frustration of how much the past influences my life now. But it is also a huge statement of how far I have come, at least to me. A year ago I dont believe I would have used such strong and confident language. I felt that I would never be free of the past and now, while I recognise there is so much for me to work through, I believe that its possible and I will get there. For me, this image as well as the statement holds so much hope.

The final one, though I didn't really present these in any particular order. I'm not as pleased with the presentation of this one as I am the others. I am not sure what it is but I am just not quite happy with it. However I feel the statement is very true of life, it is similar to the point I was making in last month's entry (Your truth) - where I was talking about choosing to look at things in a positive way or a negative way. 

I have recently been spending some time talking to a friend who has been hurt badly by a guy in the past. He was a very nasty piece of work and the abuse he put her through was horrible. These days she doesn't trust any guy, she doesn't let anyone near her and has very few friends. Rather than try and work through what happened she runs away from it and tries to pretend it doesn't exist. I can understand where she is coming from and I know that I can simply be there for her. But I find it really sad to watch how fear rules her entire life. I also find it scary to think that it would have been very easy for me to go down the path she has.

I truly believe that each person can choose the way they look at and live life. It is hard at first, but with time and practice it slowly becomes easier and then it is a habit. This is the choice I am talking about here. 

I haven't really decided which one I am going to send to Paul for this month's carnival, however I enjoyed making them and sharing them here.


Paul from Mind Parts said...

These are all wonderful. I hadn't realized that so many people would do so many and then settle on which felt right. i like the ones you submitted!

castorgirl said...

These are all incredible Kylie... Many of them speak to me on a personal level. I look forward to seeing which one you decide on for the carnival :)

Take care,

Sunshine and Shadows said...

Your art is beautiful!

kerroskorner said...

These are amazing Kylie - beautiful, and powerful. :)

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