Monday, February 28, 2011

A Sense of Belonging

I have been struggling lately to post anything here, I cannot seem to find the right words. Things have been really well for me lately - I have been spending a lot of time with some new friends and have even started dating someone. For the first time that I can remember I felt like I belonged somewhere.

Its not that I haven't had friends in the past, because I have and I genuinely care about them and know they care for me. However I never have felt free to be completely myself and I have never felt such unconditional acceptance. They are okay with me - all of me - they do not mind if I switch and have began to get to know each part and they treat each with respect. It is a relief not to have to constantly be on guard or being worried about what will happen if one of the little ones comes out.

I still get anxious, and there is a part of me that is still really worried that we will be rejected or hurt. But my general feeling is one of belonging and that is the most amazing feeling.

Tiger is a huge part of that, he is a good friend who introduced me to this wonderful group of people. Recently the littles 'adopted' Tiger as our big brother - which he seems to take rather seriously. He really wants to take care of us and that amazes a lot of the less trusting parts inside. He is just so generous with himself and so loving, he really is a wonderful example that there are good people in this world.

All of this socialising, while does wonders for how i feel, hasn't helped with the Chronic Fatigue. I really struggle to give myself enough rest while still getting out and enjoying my friends and boyfriend. For the most part I make light of it because I don't want anyone to worry or fuss. However I do realise that its a big problem that I have to be careful with or else I am going to end up really bad again and I really don't want to go back there.

I am travelling to Sydney this week to see a nutritionist/homoeopath who has experience dealing with Chronic Fatigue and has helped others in the past. I am hopeful that she will be able to help. But I still recognise that I need to find a better balance.


Evan said...

Great to hear that things are going well for you. Hope the nutritionist/naturopath helps too.

castorgirl said...

This is such good news Kylie... those safe external connections are so important for our healing, and life in general.

Take care,

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